If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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