I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
