Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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