I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Life is so much better after having sex.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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