YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
