I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
