His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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