Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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