So drunk its hurt
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
