Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
being pregnant is like rehab
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
