we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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