She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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