Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
