Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
