Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
