Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
