My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
