I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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