I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!