Texts From Last Night

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  (845): View more from New York

  I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk

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  (845): I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk http://tfl.nu/2s8p
  Replies (13) Good night (952) Bad night (3980)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers

  (1-973): View more from New Jersey

  can u grab me a application

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  (973): i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers (1-973): can u grab me a application http://tfl.nu/7bd4
  Replies (11) Good night (2804) Bad night (476)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  my phone cant type all the emotion im having

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  (203): my phone cant type all the emotion im having http://tfl.nu/rfn6
  Replies (6) Good night (1055) Bad night (3663)
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.

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  (302): because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride. http://tfl.nu/wwvv
  Replies (10) Good night (1180) Bad night (3829)
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  (+35): View more from

  Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?

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  (+35): Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me? http://tfl.nu/6cfp
  Replies (12) Good night (948) Bad night (4055)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.

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  (734): By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on. http://tfl.nu/k86o
  Replies (5) Good night (906) Bad night (3206)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.

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  (330): I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show. http://tfl.nu/dej0
  Replies (5) Good night (2368) Bad night (918)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.

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  (717): It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me. http://tfl.nu/ym25
  Replies (9) Good night (947) Bad night (1266)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.

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  (505): We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it. http://tfl.nu/o399
  Replies (4) Good night (1084) Bad night (379)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface

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  (904): And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface http://tfl.nu/ohqh
  Replies (2) Good night (601) Bad night (324)
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  (478): View more from Georgia

  You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.

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  (478): You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute. http://tfl.nu/rc1u
  Replies (1) Good night (364) Bad night (571)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.

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  (314): Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame. http://tfl.nu/omwv
  Replies (2) Good night (690) Bad night (266)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow

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  (404): So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow http://tfl.nu/zlpp
  Replies (2) Good night (692) Bad night (485)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...

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  (603): I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly... http://tfl.nu/93wn
  Replies (0) Good night (1202) Bad night (276)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.

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  (205): I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat. http://tfl.nu/0asd
  Replies (2) Good night (695) Bad night (316)

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