I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.