ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"