i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
FUCK WHALES
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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