I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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