i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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