You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
