I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
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