Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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