if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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