i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
