that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
