My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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