It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
