that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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