tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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