What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
