that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize