I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
my phone needs a breathalizer
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I will be naked everywhere
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I did not marry a roomba.
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