The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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