Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Randomize
