We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
