Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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