my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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