My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
