You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
