I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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