operation harelip BJ is a go
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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