He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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