We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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