get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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