My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
They have beer where we have blood.
This toilet bowl is my home.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
