girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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