matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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