final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
