There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
