I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
