Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
