Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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