He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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