i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
