I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
