I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
