So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Randomize
