they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
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Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
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I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
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