I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
