i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
