I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
