I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
